I'm anxious

I'm anxious.

I'm nearly sixteen and in those few years I've many things. You see, the older generations believe we know naught because of our ages, but they forget: We've reached the age of the internet. We see and here things happening around the world, everyday. Our idols are easier to access and miracles happen everyday.

So, where am I going with this?

Human's are empathetic by nature. We react to things as we should and we feel sorrowful and we feel the need to bare that weight upon our shoulders. And true, some of us are exposed to tragedy: divorce of our parents, death of a loved one, accidents and so forth. But we also have the tragedy of the world to bare. World disasters, our online idols problems, we're presented with more things to empathize with.

And it's here that I must stress something very important: we don't know how to deal with it. Many of us choose to internalize our feelings. Even in this age where communication has been made all the more accessible, we shy away, because with everyone talking over each other, it often feels as though we're shouting into a void.

This, over time, has led to higher numbers of cases of depression and other mental illnesses.

Now, I myself am not depressed. I'm anxious, I'm nervous, I'm worried and any other synonym you can think of. But not depressed. Angry, antsy, un confident sure, but not depressed. So why do I care? I have loved ones who are depressed, I have friends who are as well. Depression is a serious illness that is currently not being treated well. Despite this, I'm optimistic for the future. I feel as though my generation will be a lot more understanding towards these types of problems in our children. But that's not the problem at hand is it? No, the problem is that there is no solution as of right now.

I started thinking about this recently because I was given my subject selection form. I was given two days to decide, at the age of fifteen, which courses I wanted to take so I could go off to college in the right field and then into the right program in university. Imagine that. Worst was the teachers who kept reminding us to make an 'informed decision' to 'pick the right courses the first time so you won't have to backtrack'.

I don't know what I want to do with my life. 

It made me anxious. My skin started peeling, my hair started falling out. I stopped talking as much, I cried. I slept too much and not well. It wasn't a fun few days. I'm better now, I chose my courses but it was so hard. So hard. It made me wonder what it could possibly be like for those who are undergoing mental illnesses. The stress I felt upon making a decision intensified many a time, I know that I couldn't bare it. Let's be honest we can't imagine it. We couldn't even dream of how bad it truly is.

We ask them what's wrong, but they can't answer. They may very well not know themselves. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Your life can be awesome, but if your endorphins aren't going to the right receptors then you won't feel good. That, in my opinion, is kind of what this boils down to: Feeling good. About yourself, your life, everything.

So again, the question is, where am I going with this?

My mother's new catch phrase is Take it one day at a time. I'm not curing depression, but I know that for all the teenagers that are anxious and stressed, it's important to remember not to take life too seriously. Live it a day at a time. Remember that all mistakes can be fixed, and that it may very well be a good thing to backtrack. It's also important to try to learn to deal with our empathy. We can't feel the death of all the people in the world the way we would our parents. We wouldn't last a day. We have to learn to let ourselves go. To trust, to love. And we need to learn to manage our guilt. We should not feel sad for not empathizing with every child that will die today. We can't feel sad for failing to cheer up the depressive friend every day. We can't start hating ourselves, we can't become sad and depressed trying to help. We have to learn to keep distance, because the time it takes to make yourself better will be far less than the time it will take someone to help you both. Remember to take time that you need to be happy. Pick up a hobby, find something you love and pursue it.

And to those of you who are depressed especially:

Smile

You deserve it.